SinglesOfFaith.com - Raising an Army of Kingdom Servants

Christian online dating service SinglesOfFaith.com asks visitors to its site a fascinating question: "If God came down and set up a website for the 50,000,000 to 75,000,000 of us single Christians, what would it would be about?" (You can find a suggested answer here.)

The founder Mike McCartney, a certified life and relationships coach, has for ten years been engaged in conducting relationship skills training workshops for single Christians. He answered questions from Christian Counseling Services.

Many Christians are fearful of online dating. Is this a reasonable concern?

Though there is no reason for actual fear (assuming we don't do dumb things like releasing our email address or phone number way too early), it is imperative that believers use extreme caution in online dating.

Assume that the other person is not completely who he/she claims to be, and let them slowly win us over. Many, many so-called "Christians" exaggerate or outright mislead in their answers. (Women tend to be most untruthful about their weight, and men about their height and career and income.)

It takes many, many, many months to get beneath the surface of a human being to discover what's really there. The Number One reason for marriage failure is marrying way too soon, long before folks know each other (especially through challenging times: we only know what's inside a kitchen pitcher after it gets bumped and we see what sloshes over the side...).

Please tell me a little about SinglesOfFaith.com.

We spent ten years as a "brick and mortar" introduction service for relationship-ready single Christians, and as a relationship skills training workshop company nationwide, prior to launching online for U.S. Christians.

We have two missions: (1) to eliminate datelessness in evangelical America, and (2) to put one million volunteers on the inner city streets of the U.S. - an "army" of kingdom servants of use to the King.

How should Christians go about selecting an online dating service?

Try many - as many as you sense God is calling you to. This is a "numbers game," in that we'll need to meet hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of folks before we meet the person God has for us.

Most of us have much growth to experience prior to God determining that we're ready to meet His choice, so, unfortunately, a number of the "relationships" we experience are "mere" growth opportunities for us as He prepares us.

How do you see the future of online dating?

It is here to stay, and to grow and grow and grow. Tens of millions of new eligible single adults "enter the market" annually, and they are more and more interested in efficient opportunities to meet the person God has for them.

Is the depressed economy having any sort of impact - positive or negative - on your business?

A tiny, slight increase. Too many folks believe that they can emotionally care for the challenges they're facing anew by meeting someone - as if a relationship will make them happy (not realizing that happiness is "an inside game").

What are some of the mistakes that Christians make when searching for a partner online?

- being too trusting too soon;
- making decisions based on their heart, rather than their head;
- making decisions without the input of trusted, wise counsellors;
- overspiritualization - "God must be in this, it feels so good;"
- not having the relationship skills necessary to make a relationship (hard, hard work) last forever.

What are some of the most important words of advice you can offer Christians who are seeking a partner online?

- be skeptical;
- be cautious and careful regarding the timeline for a relationship;
- plan on meeting hundreds of folks face-to-face prior to "the one" (your learning curve);
- ask a MINIMUM of a thousand questions of the person you're considering a long-term relationship with;
- get personal (and job?) references regarding the person you're interested in, from him/her, when appropriate.

And there is much, much more. Our relationship skills syllabus for our workshops is over one hundred pages long!

Thank you very much.

April 23rd, 2009

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